Zero Day: How beautiful are Jeff Aiken and Daryl Haugen?
Posted: Last updated:I recently finished reading Zero Day: A Novel by Mark Russinovich. The book is a cyber-thriller about two computer security experts, Jeff Aiken and Daryl Haugen, who are trying to fight against evil hackers that have taken down a number of sensitive computer systems.
The book was very good, the computer hacking descriptions are realistic and the plot is interesting. Mark Russinovich knows more about computers than most other people, and it's nice to read a book involving computers that doesn't make you cringe *cough*Dan Brown*cough*. However, after I finished the book I realized that the mental image I had of Jeff and Daryl was... Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? Could it be that the author had written a lot about how good looking Jeff and Daryl were? I wasn't sure. So I did what any normal person would do: I obsessively analyzed the book on my Kindle, looking for mentions of Jeff and Daryl's attractiveness.
Let's start with Jeff.
Page 59: Jeff was a handsome man, one who took care of himself, she noticed as she waited for the meeting to start. Not at all like most of the others in the room.
Page 205: For a man so knowledgable with computers, he was surprisingly fit and handsome.
He's handsome, fit, and takes care of himself, unlike those other non-handsome, unfit computer people who don't know how to take care of themselves.
Page 45: She'd been attracted from the start, and having watched him work, was now even more impressed. Now she could take him in as a man and liked what she saw.
So that actually wasn't so bad. Couple of mentions of his handsomeness, and women like what they see when they look at him. Fair enough.
That brings us to Daryl, apparently the most beautiful woman in the history of the world.
Page 30: Slender and just over average height, with a fair complexion and blond, shoulder-length hair, she was stunningly attractive.
Page 31: But the best part of the arrangement had been her drop-dead looks
OK, so we have our basic character description. We know how her hair color, height and that she's not just attractive, but stunningly attractive. Also, she is drop-dead good looking.
Page 60: Four stopped as she lay naked and said over and over, "Magnificent. Magnificent."
Aside from being stunningly attractive, her body is also magnificent.
Page 60: Four had repeatedly spoken of her beauty. Then he had worshipped at its altar.
Some people are simply good looking. Having someone worship at the altar of your beauty is a whole other level of beauty!
Of course having someone constantly worshipping at the altar of your beauty can be quite tiring. Daryl's fed up with all the worshipping. So she tells Jeff right off the bat:
Page 256: "Don't worship me, okay?"
Jeff laughed. "You mean like a goddess or something?"
"More like an object of beauty or something. Okay?"
Basic. Don't worship me as an object of beauty. I said the same thing to my wife when we started going out. Just, don't do it. No worshipping my beauty. Enough already!
Page 61: ...no hiding beneath oversize clothes could conceal her obvious beauty and latent sexuality.
You can hide a lot of things. Malware, viruses, rootkits. But not Daryl's beauty. You could dress her in a potato sack, and she would have people worshipping the sack.
Page 218: ...her beauty was hard to ignore.
Page 66: There was no denying her beauty.
It simply can't be denied or ignored! Don't even try!
Page 74: Daryl's beautiful face was creased with worry.
Some people get wrinkles from worrying too much. Not Daryl. Her face is always the same. Beautiful!
Page 227: Daryl was stunning as always,...
Not just sometimes. Always!
Page 256: Under the cover was the rise of her hip, then the delicate line of her legs. It was a breathtaking sight.
Daryl's hip is a breathtaking sight. People literally have trouble breathing when they are exposed to its beauty.
Page 256: Her back, Jeff decided, was as beautiful as the rest of her.
As beautiful as her hip then? Breathtaking? You could simply take Daryl apart, and each of her bodyparts would still be breathtakingly beautiful.
Page 256: Jeff closed his eyes, then peeked the moment she stepped of the bed. Amazing.
Looking at Daryl's beauty is basically like staring directly into the sun. Sometimes you just have to shield your eyes because of the pure intensity of it. But Jeff can't resist peeking. And what he sees... is amazing! Breathtaking even!
Page 246: Suddenly, he was also aware that a beautiful woman, one to whom he was very drawn, was sitting there with him in his hotel room.
Page 256: Her elegant, lean body was stretched out,...
Page 227: ...he found his fantasies turning to the Scandinavian beauty.
I... don't even know what to say anymore.
So, we've established that Jeff is very handsome and Daryl is stunningly, breathtakingly beautiful and attractive. What do you get when you put them together? A handsome couple, that's what.
Page 275: Another couple got out of the car, foreign and handsome.
Page 307: The American couple she'd last seen in Moscow, the handsome young couple she'd thought dead, emerged from the vehicle.
The "she" in the second quote has just been through major trauma at this point. But being traumatized doesn't stop her from noticing that Jeff and Daryl make a really handsome couple!
After describing Daryl's beauty it feels kind of lame to just describe Jeff and Daryl together as a handsome couple. Almost any couple can be described as handsome. We need to kick this up a notch:
Page 258: ...out of the hotel walked a stunning couple. The blonde was lovely, while the guy looked as if he could be a model or something. Both were trim, fit, looking the way everybody secretly wanted to look.
That's more like it! They're not just handsome, they're stunning! The guy could be a model or, eh, something! (Any good editor would have removed that 'or something'!). Not some fat slobs, they are trim and fit! And everyone, every single person, wants to look like them. People might say they don't, but secretly they want to look exactly like Jeff and Daryl, with breathtaking hips, beautiful backs and people worshipping at the altar of their beauty.
So, result of analysis: Yes, the author did spend quite a lot of time discussing how beautiful Jeff and Daryl are. But all snarkiness aside, it really is a good book and I highly recommend it. Buy it here. And the sequel, Trojan Horse is coming out soon. I, for one, will definitely buy it :)